Dog Days
It’s starting to look like the days of Love and Kindness are anathema to horror.
I know What You Did Last Summer
Director: Jennifer Kaytin Robinson • Writers: Sam Lansky, Jennifer Kaytin Robinson, based on the screenplay by Kevin Williamson and book by Lois Duncan
Starring: Madelyn Cline, Chase Sui Wonders, Jonah Hauer-King, Tyriq Withers, Sarah Pidgeon, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Freddie Prinze Jr
USA • 1hr 52mins
Opens Hong Kong July 17 • IIB
Grade: C
At the risk of sounding like an old crank – which I mos def am – there’s a limit to how much love, kindness and empathy needs to be out in the world. Don’t get me wrong: the boss that stands on a desk to shout and belittle staff is for shit. We don’t need that. We’re finally accepting that mental healthcare is, yes, healthcare. The Wachowskis are Lily and Lana, end of story. But those are issues of basic respect too. Hate to say, even in our maybe AI reality, work is work and no one parachutes into a corner office without it, and not all the kids in kindergarten get a ribbon. Some are entitled little pricks. Which is a long way of saying love, kindness and empathy don’t really have a place in horror/slasher films, where we need to feel fear and loathing. We don’t need Freddy Krueger or Ghostface to speak their truths. We need them to be gross lunatics that kill highschoolers.
Which is what made the first Fisherman so creepy in 1998’s (admittedly not so great) I Know What You Did Last Summer. All we knew was that he was pissed, and he was going to put a giant fishhook through somebody. And in a very un-love, kindness and empathy way, the Fisherman’s targets were complete and utter dicks who deserved his wrath. Of course the film also tried to wrestle (not terribly well) with the idea that guilt will kill you, that actions have consequences, and that the past can haunt us. Jennifer Kaytin Robinson’s Gen Z targetted, identically titled sequel tries that too, but it commits a fatal error in trying to appeal to supposed Gen Z ideals of love, kindness and empathy, and in doing so loses the nasty edge the story demands. I’m not sure how this bodes for the genre going forward.
But they tried to help
It’s been nearly 30 years since the famous massacre in Southport, North Carolina, and another former resident, Ava (Chase Sui Wonders, Bodies Bodies Bodies), is heading back to town for her bestie’s engagement party. The vapid Danica (discount Sydney Sweeney, Madelyn Cline, Glass Onion) is getting married to dunderheaded Teddy (discount Channing Tatum, Tyriq Withers – no, listen to him) over the July 4 weekend. Also attending is Ava’s old crush Milo (Jonah Hauer-King, the prince and awful singer in The Little Mermaid), but working the gig is the fifth of their little high school (?), college (?) clique Stevie (Sarah Pidgeon) a recovering addict working for OG brat Ray (Freddie Prinze Jr), who evidently didn’t leave town after his brush with death in 1997. Party over, it’s time to watch the fireworks and wouldn’t you know it, the best place to watch from is up the road just past Reaper’s Curve. And wouldn’t you know it but Teddy starts acting a fool, and a car crashes into the barriers after swerving to avoid him. Here’s the catch though: the five amigos try their level best to help the poor person in the car dangling over the cliffside. Love, kindness and empathy.
But they can’t help, the car falls, and Teddy’s real estate developer dad Grant (Billy Campbell) smooths things over with the cops, because real estate developers and tech moguls are the new KGB as far as movie bad guys go. A year later Danica’s having another engagement part – she and Teddy split because he freaked out following The Incident – and she gets a lovely card at the party that simply says, “I know what you did last summer.” Cue the Fisherman, the slaughter, and the return of Julie James (Jennifer Love Hewitt) to ask someone: “What are you waiting for?”
And when Hewitt is the special sauce in the movie you’ve got problems. Like the recent rash of legacy sequels in the Halloween trilogy or the surprisingly effective Final Destination refresher, I Know What You Did Last Summer is pretty much a carbon copy of what came before, just without the wisdom to know when to lean in and when to update the source material (not the Lois Duncan YA book about honesty and accountability). Before Halloween went off the rails it embraced the eerie, silent determination of Michael Myers, and Bloodlines gleefully doubled down on the creative kills for a modern generation. Last Summer tries, but can’t do much with unengaging archetypes and a neutered premise. No one comes close to Ryan Phillippe’s level of dickishness (the only original cast member not to get a cameo), and so any contemplation of karma, responsiblity or encroaching regret never gains traction. Robinson, who dropped the script ball on the irritating Thor: Love and Thunder, and co-writer Sam Lansky drizzle a few moments of kinda satire amid the mostly humourless, not scary, un-gory proceedings – a tense, potentially murderous moment where Milo goes to charge his phone is a highlight – but it mostly feels like signalling “twentysomething” rather than thoughtful writing – and this aside from standard horror tropes that horror lovers shrug off (really, how do you not know a giant person in a rubber coat is right behind you?). It’s a 2020s movie so of course there’s a true crime podcaster hanging around (played by singer Gabbriette Bechtel), and plenty of feels every five minutes. No one says “Bye” on the phone. “Love you,” is the order of the day. And speaking of which, no one, of any age, leaves their phone in the car. I Know What You Did Last Summer is loaded with the same plot conveniences that propelled the ’98 film, so why are we here? Only at the very end with a hilarious Brandy cameo do you briefly hope for a next summer.